When you tell someone you're not voting
How to Tell Someone You Do Not Want to Be Friends
When it's time to tell someone that you don't want to be friends anymore, how should you do it? The answer partially depends on whether you're close friends or casual friends. If this is someone you don't know well, you can fade out of the friendship either abruptly or gradually. If this is a close friend, you should tell them in person.
Breaking Up With a Close Friend
Schedule a time to meet in person.Send her a text or an email to ask her to meet you in a neutral location. If you live in the same town, this is the best way to have the conversation about not being friends.
Be prepared.You may have been wanting to free yourself from this friendship for a while, but when you meet with your friend, you'll need to be clear on the reasons why you're ending the friendship.
- If you need to tell them what they've done that's contributed to your decision, think about how you can phrase this as kindly and gently as possible.
- You might not want them to know why you're ending things, and that's fine. It's okay to be vague, or to use phrases like, "Things have changed for me..."
- Don't feel like you have to justify your decision, or defend it.
Remember that your decision may surprise your friend.They may be upset or angry when they hear your news. Or, they may want to try to repair the friendship. You should decide ahead of time whether you'll be open to working on the friendship, or whether your decision is final.
- If they get angry, you'll need to be prepared to take care of yourself. You don't need to make a scene - it's fine to simply walk away.
- Unless you've decided that you're open to repairing the friendship, keep it short. You don't have to help take care of them until they feel better. Simply state what you've decided, and tell them it's time for you both to move on.
- Don't get involved in debating whether or not you're right or wrong.
Don't talk about anything your ex-friend has done.Explain that it was just your decision. Your good friends may understand your reasons without additional explanation.
- Your mutual friends may also try to make you return to the friendship. If this is the case, redirect the conversation. Remind your friends that you're just trying to move on.
- Don't try to turn anyone against your ex-friend. If you lose friends because of your decision, they probably weren't good friends anyway.
Move on.Don't dwell on the decision to end your friendship - what's done is done. You made the best decision you could, if you were thoughtful. Now you don't have to think about it anymore. Rehashing the choices you made, or defending your decision (even if only to yourself!) only extends the process.
- It might feel strange to not have your friend in your life anymore, but you will survive.
- Make sure to spend time with other friends. Try doing new things, and going new places with your other friends.
Practice self-care.Eat well, get enough rest, and do things you enjoy.Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and remember that ending a friendship might involve some grief.
- Focusing on the positive parts of your life - the things you enjoy about the way your life is now - can help keep you from feeling sad about your lost friendship.
- If you find yourself falling into negative thoughts, practice turning your thoughts to something more positive.
Leaving a Casual Friendship
Use the "fade out" method.Gradually seeing the person less often might be happening naturally, or you might need to consciously apply these steps. This is a good way to let someone know you don't want to be friends without verbally explaining it to them.
- This method is appropriate for casual friends who you don't really know very well.
- If the person is a new friend, this method is less leaving a friendship than it's simply an acknowledgment that you never really became friends.
- It might take a longer time to leave a friendship this way.
Decline invitations from the person.One way that you can start to minimize contact with the person is by declining invitations to do things. This may require you to tell a little white lie now and then to get out of something.
- For example, if the person asks if you want to go see a movie sometime over the weekend, then you might say something like “That sounds cool, but I already have a ton going on this weekend, so I really can’t.”
Excuse yourself from conversations.You may bump into the person while you are trying to build distance between the two of you, so you will need to know how to deal with those situations. Ignoring the person could lead to hurt feelings and awkwardness, so instead try to give polite excuses for why you can’t stay and talk.
- For example, you could politely say hello to the person and then say something like, “Sorry I can’t stay and chat. I am already running late. Maybe some other time!”
- Try to be as polite and considerate as possible. Even if you do not want to be friends with the person anymore, you never know when you might bump into each other again and keeping things civil will reduce the chance of an awkward run-in.
Take a more active approach to ending the friendship.If your attempts to politely and gradually end the friendship do not help, then you can also try telling the person that you don't want to be friends anymore. You may just have to be direct and say something like, “You are a great person, but we are just too different. I wish you all the best, but I think we should stop spending so much time together.”
- Try to avoid the strategy called “ghosting.” Ghosting is when you cut off all contact with the person. For example, you would need to ignore the person’s texts and emails, stop returning phone calls, and unfriend the person on social media. Ghosting can lead to hurt feelings, anger, and concerns about your well-being, so it is not ideal.
QuestionMy best friend told me my other friend hates me. How should I react?
M.A, Clinical Mental Health CounselingM.A, Clinical Mental Health CounselingExpert AnswerI’d questions how your best friend came to that conclusion. What evidence has she seen to make her believe that? Then if the evidence seems like enough to you, I’d ask your other friend about it. Ask her if something has been bothering her or if there is anything she wanted to talk about. She may not really ‘hate’ you, but maybe she had her feelings hurt or was angry about something. Try saying, “I’ve notices ____ lately and I’m wondering if there is anything wrong? I care about you and I’d like to talk about it if it would help.”Thanks!
QuestionHow would you tell your best friend you don't want to be friends?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerJust tell them, be straightforward and don't hold anything back. Tell them how you feel from the heart, not the mind and do not keep contact with them if you really want to move on. They might try to fix the friendship and convince you but if your decision is final, let them know and don't feel bad. Move on and they should accept it.Thanks!
QuestionMy best friend replaced me with one of my other best friends, what do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThis happens more than you may realize, it's part of growing up and changing. Talk to your best friend to explain how you feel -- at least your best friend will know how this has affected you. However, be aware that it may not change what has happened, as your best friend may not be willing to restore what once was. If so, be confident and stay strong, and be prepared to look for a new special friendship from among other friends.Thanks!
QuestionMy friend is really clingy, and even if I ask her to try and make some new friends, she won't do it. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTell her directly why you don't want to be her friend, or at least not her only friend. She'll be hurt or offended, but it may be the only way to fix the situation.Thanks!
QuestionMy friend left me note saying "I don't want to be your friend anymore because I don't like you". Why did she do this?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt seems as if your friend was afraid to be honest to your face and chose this easy way out to end the friendship. It lacks courage but you cannot force her to change her mind, at least you know her real feelings. Try to talk to her about it but don't be surprised if she avoids you, the note already reveals her intention. Stay strong and reach out to another friend who does care for you.Thanks!
QuestionWhat do I do when they won't leave even when I tell them why I don't want to be friends?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTell them your decision and stress how final it is. You're moving on and they should too. Cut off all contact with them and take them off social media if they won't leave you alone. By ignoring them, they might go away. If they're stalking you, see How to Deal with Stalkers for advice.Thanks!
QuestionWhat should I do if my friend gets suicidal when I leave?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou need to tell a trusted adult. Your friend needs help, and you shouldn't have to handle the pressure of being responsible for someone's mental and physical safety.Thanks!
QuestionMy friend is a jerk! How do I explain I'm mad at them?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerBe careful as you have decided already that your friend is a "jerk", a classic symptom of projecting your anger onto them. Calm down before talking to your friend and try to work out why they acted as they did before accusing your friend of anything. Ask, don't yell. Then explain your feelings, calmly and clearly.Thanks!
QuestionMy best friend always get mad at me for not being with her and accusing me of changing into other people. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYour friend seems to be fairly clingy and insecure. You could reassure her that she has your loyalty but that she needs to realize that you are not just stuck in one mode but you have a personality that responds in a variety of ways with different people, as is normal for most human beings. Tell her that you are both free to be friends with others as well as each other and that if this makes her unhappy, then perhaps both of you need to reconsider your friendship as besties. Don't let her think she can keep manipulating you to only stay around her -- that is really unhealthy.Thanks!
QuestionWhat do you do if you are willing to work on the friendship but the other person ignores you?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThis is a sign that they're unwilling to work on the friendship. As hard and sad as it may be, this is your cue to let go and begin again with someone who is responsive and wants to be your friend back.Thanks!
- Remember that you might just need a temporary break from the friendship. Try not to say or do anything that will make your break permanent unless you're really sure that you'll never want to be friends with this person again.
- Err on the side of kindness.
- If you don't want to be friends with them because you're in an argument over something, or they sometimes insult you without realizing it, see if you can just talk it out before you have to call it quits.
- You probably should not say "Hey I don't want to be friends with you anymore" if they already are going through a tough time.
- Use "I" statements: I feel ____ when you do ____. That way, you aren't pointing fingers or saying "Doing/saying _____ isn't very nice!
Sources and Citations
In other languages:
Italiano: , Español: , Deutsch: , Português: , Русский: , Français: , Bahasa Indonesia: , Tiếng Việt: , العربية: , Nederlands:
Video: When & How to Tell Someone You Like Them
Tooth Decay in toddlers: Symptoms and Preventive Measures
How to Make a Steel Rose
Attraction of opposites by Vionnet (Resort Collection Spring 2015)
This Girl Almost Died Because She Didnt Wash Her Makeup Brushes
How to Make a Hot Chocolate Party Bar
Exercise May Spur More Varied Gut Microbes
20 Ways To Never Get Cancer
Healthy Eating on a Budget
How to Take Care of a Shih Tzu
Men’s Wolverine Addison 1000 Mile Wingtip Boots Review – USA Made Chromexcel Footwear
You Have to See Rosie Huntington-Whiteleys Jaw-Dropping Dress
How to Choose the Right Topic for Your Business Blog
How to Get Pregnant While Breastfeeding with No Period